Fortunate defeat

I was there when they crucified my Lord;
I held the scabbard when the soldier drew his sword.
I threw the dice when they pierced his side,
But I’ve seen love conquer the great divide.

—U2/B. B. King, “When Love Comes to Town”

OK, so I was on a bit of a U2 kick this trip. Even so, this is a great lyric, and something every Christian ought to be able to sing full-throated, with a full heart.

What I still haven’t found

I believe in the Kingdom Come,
Then all the colours will bleed into one,
Bleed into one;
But yes, I’m still running.
You broke the bonds,
You loosed the chains,
You carried the cross and
All my shame,
All my shame;
You know I believe it.

But I still haven’t found what I’m looking for.
But I still haven’t found what I’m looking for.

—U2, “I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For”

I don’t want to get into the argument about what U2 themselves mean by this song. According to the Wikipedia article, “both Bono and Edge have . . . called it a gospel song on numerous occasions,” and I have no reason to doubt that; I’ve seen other sites assert that they have repeatedly called it a song of “spiritual yearning,” which seems obvious enough, though I’ve never seen any original source for either of these attributions. At the same time, reading around the ‘Net, it’s clear that a lot of U2 fans don’t want to believe that the song’s about anything of the sort, and they’re entitled to their own opinions.

My interest at the moment, though, is rather different; if you wanted to be technical, I suppose you could say that I’m setting aside questions of authorial intent and opting for a bit of reader-response criticism. To wit, it occurred to me as I was listening to this song on the way home Monday that whatever U2 means by this song, it serves quite well as an apt expression of our experience of the process of sanctification (or of mine, at least). I believe all those things, too—and yet I would have to confess that in some ways, at least, I too am still running. There are still areas where I resist what God desires to do in my life, and areas in which I follow him determinedly until the temptation gets too tempting, at which point I run off like any other dumb sheep convinced that the grass over there really must be tastier. (Only to find out when I get there, as always, that the “grass” is really only extra-long Astroturf.)

I believe it all, but I still haven’t found what I’m looking for—not in God, but in me, and in my own life. I haven’t found the trust, the submission, the willingness to follow faithfully; I’ve found the peace of God, but not the contentment to rest in it, and the joy of God, but not the single-mindedness to stay in it, instead of jumping off to go check out other things to see if they might be better. I’ve found the beauty of the gospel and the glorious blessing of the grace of God, but not the ability to wholeheartedly trust that they are for me. I preach it, I preach it constantly, but I do so as much as anything because I know I need to hear it, because I haven’t found it in me to fully believe it. Not yet.

But by the grace of God, I know I will—not by my efforts, but by his gift. His grace doesn’t depend on me, one way or the other; and whether I can always fully believe it or not, I know he who promised is faithful, and will do it. And for that I give thanks.

I have never seen this before

Tonight was the closing concert of the 2009 MasterWorks Festival, which finished with Mahler’s Symphony No. 1 “Titan”—which the orchestra of course played brilliantly. The audience gave them an immediate standing ovation, which lasted so long that the conductor finally decided to encore the final section of the fourth movement. He then turned around partway through and waved the audience in—so we were clapping along with the orchestra most of the way through. When they finished the second time, they got another standing O; the entire orchestra bowed in response (bassoons, cellists, tubas, everybody), then started walking off the stage as the lights came up. “Thanks for the applause . . . now go home.”

Here is beauty

Yesterday and today have been busy and draining days; but today had a graceful coda: the MasterWorks concert. This is the last weekend for the MasterWorks Festival this year, so tonight and tomorrow night wrap the whole thing up, but this might have been the best one yet (of the ones I attended, anyway). The second half of the program was a brilliant performance of Tchaikovsky’s Symphony No. 4, which I’d actually never heard up to this point even though I love Tchaikovsky. It’s not quite the same, but I figured I’d post videos of the Chicago Symphony performing this at Carnegie Hall in 1997.

“Darkness has a hunger that’s insatiable”

“and lightness has a call that’s hard to hear.” I’ve always loved this song; it strikes me as deeply confused in its conclusion but insightful in its observations, and I’m a sucker for a great folk-rock hook.  I hadn’t thought of it in I don’t know how long until it popped into my head this morning, and I’ve watched the video several times today already.

As it happened, after I watched it the first time, I flipped over to my Facebook account to find Sarah Palin’s official statement on the murder of George Tiller, about which I’ve blogged here and here.  I think the conjunction was appropriate.  I don’t know what Saliers was focusing on when she wrote those lines, and I’m reasonably sure that neither she nor Amy Ray share my position on abortion (or much of anything else, except maybe folk music), but I couldn’t help thinking about them as I reflected on the case of Scott Roeder, the man who shot Tiller.  If this is who the authorities think he is, he’s been involved in anti-government activities and anti-abortion protests for a couple decades now; it sounds like he started out motivated by a real desire to do something about some of the evil and injustice in the world, and along the way, got twisted into fighting evil with evil.

That happens all too easily, if we’re not careful.  It’s all too easy to start accommodating evil, just a little, on the theory that the end justifies the means; but each act of accommodation makes the next just a little bit easier, and makes it seem just a little bit more necessary—and over time, the pace of accommodation increases, until finally it isn’t really even accommodation anymore, because we’re being transformed into the very thing we once despised.  It happens all too easily, because it’s always easier to roll down the slope than to climb up it, always easier to destroy than to create, always easier to justify our actions than to repent of them . . . except by the Spirit of God, this is the immutable truth about our souls:

Darkness has a hunger that’s insatiable, and lightness has a call that’s hard to hear.

Left to our own devices, we lose the call, wander off the path, and are ultimately devoured by the darkness.  We may not all do so as dramatically as Scott Roeder—or, for that matter, George Tiller—but there but for the grace of God go we all.

Susan Boyle strikes again

HT:  Allahpundit

I have to say, I don’t think she actually sang as well this time—her pitch was a bit wobbly starting off, I thought, and her phrasing could have stood some work—though part of that is likely the fact that I’m no great fact of the song she chose; but I’ll admit, lyrically, it was a perfect fit for her this time (as was her previous choice; she does seem to have a knack for that).  I have to say, while I admire the ease with which she just sails through the high passages, I think my favorite part of this clip is the opening, and the utterly different reception she gets this time as opposed to the beginning of her first appearance.  Gone is the skepticism (along with some of the dowdiness); she’s a star now, and she’s greeted with eager and affectionate anticipation.  It’s really cool.