Further thought on submission and expectations

Wives, submit to your husbands as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them. Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord. Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.—Colossians 3:18-21One of the things we often miss about this passage, and its parallel in Ephesians 5 about which I posted earlier today, is that as he addresses different groups of people, Paul directs his comments to them—for instance, his comments about wives are addressed to wives, and his comments about husbands are addressed to husbands. This might seem obvious, but we often tend to read them the other way around—as if Paul had written, for instance, “Husbands, your wives are supposed to submit to you as to the Lord”; we focus on what others are supposed to do for us, rather than on what Paul commands us to do. Verse 20 isn’t addressed to parents, to use as a stick with which to beat our chil­dren, but to the children themselves; yes, we need to teach our children to be obedient, but you know, the reason really isn’t “Because I say so.” It’s not because I say so, it’s because God says so, and because I in my place am trying to do the best I can to teach them to do what is wise and good and pleasing to God. And the first sentence isn’t written to tell husbands what we have the right to expect; the word to us is, “Love your wives.” In Ephesians, Paul takes it a step further: “Love your wives as Christ loved the church.” It’s an absolute command; it isn’t contingent on anything anyone else does or doesn’t do. Our job is to do our job, not anyone else’s. That’s just how it works.