Meme Reversi

So I’ve been on the road a lot the last couple weeks, and haven’t had the time to hammer out a response to the challenge my wife tossed me after I tagged her; but I’ve been thinking about it. The problem isn’t that I don’t have areas of my life to work on—like anyone else, I surely do. The problem, rather, is to answer this key question: where is my walk lagging my talk? Where is the greatest gap between the belief I hold and the belief I live? I do try to be a doer of the world, but where am I falling shortest?

After a fair bit of reflection, I think the key for me is becoming more of an agent of grace. As I’ve written before, I’m coming increasingly to the conclusion that we in the American church really don’t want grace, because we want to believe we deserve the credit for our salvation; which causes two problems. One, of course, is the badly distorted view of ourselves and our salvation which this produces. The other is that if we don’t really appreciate the grace we’ve received, then we won’t extend that grace to others, a point illustrated in the parable of the unforgiving servant (Matthew 18:23-35). As that parable shows, if we have received grace, we’re expected to give others grace in turn; and I can’t claim to be very good at doing that. As a pastor, there are almost always people in the church who beat you up and tear you down—people who, in some cases, are profoundly non-Christlike in some of their behaviors—and it can be a real struggle to show them grace. It has been for me, at least, to remember that when they don’t deserve it, that’s why it’s called grace. And as a father, when I’m physically and emotionally spent, it can be hard to show my children grace, even when they don’t mean any harm.

This, then, is what I will strive to do: to bite back the sharp words, to divert the quick flare of anger- and exhaustion-fueled irritation, and instead to show grace. If I try to do this merely by force of will, however, trying to catch myself at the last minute, I know I’ll fail; as I’ve been reminded this week in reading Dr. Andrew Purves’ excellent book The Crucifixion of Ministry, it’s only because we’re united with Christ by his Spirit that there’s any hope for anything we do. (He’s talking specifically about ministry, but the application is broader than that.) If I’m going to become truly an agent of grace, then, I need to start by drawing near to Jesus, and especially by drawing near to give praise and thanks for the grace he has shown me—to practice appreciating the grace of God. I need to start by making more time for prayer and worship, and by consciously directing my focus away from prayers of lament and prayers for guidance (though both those have their place, and will continue to have their place) toward prayers of thanksgiving for grace received, and prayers that God would show his grace through me to others.

Anyway, to keep the reversed meme going, I tag Happy. (I can’t tag anyone else because no one I tagged with the original meme did anything with it, except my wife, who gave it back to me.)